Enough


Mr. K likes to nap on me, head in the crock of my arm and body sprawled across my lap. He sleeps well enough on his futon at night but during the day, ideally (for him), I get to play at being his futon.

Often, I get tired of this, itching to have my hands free and wishing I had at least worked harder to use a baby carrier. In the mornings in particular, at least when we’re here together, I’ll work to get him settled in his futon instead, where he should be. In the late afternoons, though, I lose the willpower for that fight and we end up just sitting here together for as long as we can. At those times, he is content. I am what he wants, what he needs. I am enough.

Sometimes, instead of feeling resigned, I remember how this cannot last. Seven long months have somehow slipped by already, and soon he will need so much more. It won’t be long at all, really, before I’m no longer enough . I have this fear of an unspecified time in the future where, surely, he’ll realize just how useless I am, and he’ll wish I was something else. Less tall, less obstinately foreign, more inclined to blend in. Someone who just inherently knows all the kanji and the unspoken social norms, someone like the other mothers, someone who actually cares about things like character bentos and properly sewing on nametags rather than someone whose interest in these things only extends to an uneasy awareness of how not interested I am.

But none of that is happening yet. I can hope it might never be, but eh… for now, I’ll sit here and let him sleep on me for as long as he wants and enjoy being enough for him for as long as I can.

Six months

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Shortly after trying his first food

Mr K turned six months old yesterday! It feels like a lot has happened, not just because I haven’t been blogging and I skipped a five months post, but also because… well, a lot of stuff HAS happened. He’s grabbing toys and rolling over like there’s no tomorrow, though he still isn’t fond of being on his tummy and he has started eating rice porridge (homemade by R). He goes to childcare a couple of days (give or take) a week and doesn’t totally hate it. Most significantly, he lost his grandfather, gained a passport, and made his first very long international flight.

Those previous two sentences might give you an idea of why I haven’t been around.

Enough, April. Bring on May. Please.

 

TONVEGE Lunch Set

Miso chicken sukiyaki don, salad, soup, tsukune and pickles, and a vanilla pudding in the center.

TONVEGE is actually a shabu shabu restaurant, but it offers these lunch sets as well and this one was seriously good. The restaurant is in Lumine EST, somewhere in the vicinity of Shinjuku station’s east exit. I think so, anyway – I’ve been to that train station so many times now over the years and I’m armed with Google maps these days, and I still manage to come off second best navigation-wise.

Three months

One year ago, he was an unexpected cycle and AIH round and a hope I didn’t dare have. Now Mr K is three months old. He weighs over 6 kilograms, we’re battling baby eczema, he’s preoccupied with his own hands and he thinks the baby on the nappy packet is his BFF.